“When angry, count to four; when very angry, swear.”
Mark Twain
I awake to what should hopefully be my last day in hospital
– on this visit at least. I’m scrutinised once again by the doctor on his early
morning rounds, and after a brief interrogation he advises that the tube still
dangling out of my lung and chaining me to the wall is removed and I’m sent
home today. I thank him for his most sage and agreeable decision. Two nurses
arrive later in the morning to extract the offending tube; it sounds to be a
bit more of a complex procedure than I had expected. I need to be breathing out
while they pull the pipe out. We have a practice run, and they’re confident
I’ve got the hang of it. One of the nurses grasps the tube and counts down, I
breathe out on zero and she pulls the tube giving me a few seconds of
excruciating agony as the pipe seems to have been much further in than I had
realised. Meanwhile the other nurse inserts a few quick stitches to hold the
wound together. Nothing seems to be leaking out, and my lungs seem to be
working properly so I think we’re all good.
Before I’m allowed to leave however they want to perform one
final set of observations. All is going well until they take my temperature,
which is a little high. I’ve also been starting to get a few sweats too, but I
don’t want it to interfere with my escape plan. I’ve spent much of the last few
days in hospital perusing bass guitars on my iPhone trying to decide which one
to buy. After much research I have ordered myself a Fender Jaguar Bass in
sunburst and it’s being delivered tomorrow, so I need to get home today if I’m
ever going to get the band back together again. The nurse advises retaking my
temperature in an hour so, which we do, and thankfully it is now low enough not
to raise any alarms and facilitate my exit. I’m feeling pretty rough still
though, I have a lot of chest pain from the operation, but that’s to be
expected and I’m hoping that in a week’s time the discomfort of the operation will
fade and I’ll be fine. I’m also quite excited about starting my new treatment
and hopeful that the immunotherapy is going to perturb my cancer somewhat
without all those loathsome little side effects I had on the chemotherapy.
A week after my operation however and I don’t seem to have quite
got my mojo back yet. I’ve been spending my mornings in bed (seemed little
point in getting up) and the afternoons lying on the sofa. I also seem to have
problems controlling my body temperature. I keep shivering awfully intensely so
Tori puts a blanket on me and then half an hour later I’m dripping with sweat
and having to rip my shirt of as if I’m Ross Poldark getting ready to give my
field a damn good scything. Things aren’t any better at night either, in fact
I’ve started waking up in the middle of night having soaked the sheets and
pillows with sweat. I’ve taken to wearing T shirts in bed, so I can change them
every few hours when they’ve quite literally become drenched in perspiration.
No, no, not the comfy chair |
I’m also back at the hospital this week for my first
immunotherapy treatment. Unlike my oral pazopanib tablets, the nivolumab is
delivered intravenously, so I need to go into the treatment room and get hooked
up to a drip. I sit in the comfy chemotherapy chair, a cannula is inserted into
my arm and after a quick saline drain my nivolumab is attached and slowly ebbs
its way into me. I know the odds of the nivolumab working aren’t great, but I’m
pretty sure this stuff is going to turn my immune system up to eleven, shrink
my cancer and pick me up again. It’s a long old process waiting for the expectant
elixer to fully drain in, but luckily I’ve got the seat next to the radio,
after checking no one was listening to it I’m able to successfully retune it to
Radio 4 and listen to the afternoon play. After about an hour and half I can
feel myself starting to shiver. It’s the same thing I’ve been getting at home
every day so I don’t worry too much about it. The shivers however worsen and I
start to shake quite violently and become suddenly short of breath. The nurse
notices that I’m in distress and comes over and stops the drip as she believes
I am having an adverse reaction to the nivolumab. She also annoyingly turns of
that “rubbish on the radio”, that I was happily listening to. I’m pretty sure
its just one of my normal shiver/sweat episodes, and after a while I stop
shivering and start sweating profusely before finally settling back down again.
I’m given some pills to counter the reaction and a doctor is called for. I
explain that alas these shivers and sweats are par for the course for me these
days and after a few more tests and observations I’m finally allowed to
complete my immunotherapy session. I was however hoping to have my future
treatments at home, but today’s issues have scuppered my chances of that as
they will want to keep a close eye on me during future treatment session now.
After another two weeks of lying around in bed (or the sofa),
things are no better. In fact they’re worse, I’m soaking up to four T-Shirts a
night now. Tori drives me back to the hospital again to load me up with
nivolumab once more. I’m still hoping that once I’ve had a bit more of the
stuff I’ll start to see an improvement. I was hoping to have my treatment in
the morning today because I always seem to get the shivers and sweats later on
in the day, but alas my treatment is once again scheduled for the afternoon. I
feel some shivers coming on again towards the end of the treatment, but they’re
not too severe today, so I’m able to not make too much of a fuss about this
time. I have however had the results of some recent blood tests which show my
blood count has dropped drastically so they want me to come in again for a
blood transfusion. It was planned for next week, but the nurse doesn’t much
like the look of me and fiddles about with her appointment diary so I can come
back in tomorrow for an earlier urgent blood transfusion.
I arrive back at the hospital early the next morning and am
given a private treatment room for my blood transfusions. They want to give me
two bags of blood and each one takes at least two hours to trickle in so its
going to be another long day in hospital. It takes a while to flush some saline
through my system and finally start to get the first bag of fresh blood in me.
By the afternoon I’ve drained the first bag of blood and a second bag is
attached. I get near to the end of second bag by mid afternoon but I can feel
the onset of another one of my episodes building up. A set of observations is
performed towards the end of the second bag of blood and my temperature has
risen again (as I suspected it might) in preparation for another bout of intense
shivering and sweating. The nurse is however not happy with my high temperature
and stops the blood transfusion and calls for the doctor. Once again I have to
explain about my shivers and sweats, while they run a few more tests and keep
me in longer to observe me. I’m keen to have the last few drops of blood and I
finally convince the doctor that I’m OK to continue so the drip is turned back
on in the evening to complete the blood transfusion. I feel a little better
with some new blood in me and I’m sent home, but there’s no real improvement in
my condition.
Further blood tests the following week show that although my
blood count has picked up a little after my blood transfusion, its still
worrying low and more blood is required. I therefore have a week of deja-vu as
I go back into hospital for two more consecutive visits for my immunotherapy
treatment and another two bags of blood. I manage to get through both without
any further complications but I nonetheless return back home each time energy-less
to lie on my sofa next to my new but barely plucked bass guitar and patiently wait
for this bastard immunotherapy treatment to start fucking working.
I hear you on the radio stuff.(Sorry - just channelled Marilyn, the 80s goodness knows what...) Anyway, yeah, like being trapped working in a call centre where all they have on is kiddie pop. Actually, am further trapped as the only local radio station that plays any decent rock is also the misogynistic homophobic racist one, which means I haven't listened to it for months. *sigh* Sending best wishes from down under.
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